the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
