I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
