im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
