you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
