The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
this just has baby written all over it
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Randomize
