Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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