I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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