i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
