It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
