Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
