Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
