All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Hippo gnu deer
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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