I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Randomize
