Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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