All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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