how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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