Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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