she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
