We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Damn victory sex feels great
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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