There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
