Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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