So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
My penis needs a shock collar
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
My vagina is officially offended.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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