he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
