I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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