i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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