Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
