walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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