Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
