She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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