Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
