My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
