when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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