Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize