I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
