you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
