I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
We're too hungover to prance.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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