i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
