Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
These tits shall not be calmed
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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