Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
