Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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