i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
