its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
