Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize