I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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