Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
