I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
