I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
