So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'd cum for enchiladas.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
