Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
