I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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