Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
