This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
The beer is more important than you right now.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize