why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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