i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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