Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
