I'm lost and stupid without you.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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