I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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