I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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