she is the kim kardashian of front butts
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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