My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
