im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
