Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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