you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
