I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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