just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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