Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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