dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
