Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
