After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
